Written by: Kiki
Since we are rocking in February and it is officially the “Love Month,” I must confess, I kissed a girl…. and I liked it… liked it so much that four years later, a lease, a dog, new furniture, a Hawaiian vacation, business launch, quitting a job, depression, sick parents and law school later…. I’m still kissing her….
Yes, my dears.. Kiki is a card carrying member of the LGBTQIA tribe( located somewhere between the L and the B) and has been for almost her entire life….. more or less. And in the past four years I have been in a committed relationship with a woman named Latoya aka Poobie Poo aka D.A Tyson aka Bae. Now the first question a straight friend would ask once hearing this is, ” What is it like being with a woman?”
and after the obscenities stop I would respond, ” Flourishing AF.” Now this is not my first relationship with a person of the same sex and I have dated men as well but to be honest, I didn’t take those relationships as serious and for the most part my commitment was non-existent. And the flourishing comes more from where I am in life and what she brings into it and less with her gender, so I suppose it is possible for heterosexual women to flourish with their male partners as well and the knowledge I am about to drop is transferable… haha . I have learned, all in all, this is truly my first grown up relationship and Lord, didn’t he save the most eventful, life changing one for last.
In the four years that Bae and I have been courtin and shackin up, I have undergone some serious soul searching and developing and have come to the conclusion that all “ships” have a purpose and the golden ones teach you life lessons. Winner, winner baby! Grab your pens and paper and get ready for these gems I am about to share on how my relationship has been “Flourishing AF”…………………………………………………..
- Flourish with yourself: I know we really keep drilling in this concept of “loving yourself first” and all that jazz but it’s really true…… It all starts with you. Give yourself the attention and care you need to understand your value and you will demand the same from others. In the words of muva Rupaul, ” How in the hell can you love somebody else if you can’t love yourself?” …. YOU CAN’T! but it’s never too late to learn… Don’t know how to start, then check Sol’s tips here on how to self love on you.
- Flourish your relationship with God: So I am sure this is going to sound a bit off but my lesbian girlfriend helped me build my relationship with God…. Whew, I know the mothers of the church will have a field day with that one but it’s true. Bae is Methodist from a little town in NC, where I am a world traveling military brat who has studied everything from Jehovah witness to Wiccan….needless to say, my spirituality could use some fine tuning.( are you judging??) Bae has shown me that it is vital to build your personal relationship with God and have him as the center in all things I do. From attending church regularly and speaking to the Lord on a daily basis, this has really helped us grow and define what God means to us as partnership..
- Flourish with Support: Look, we both walked into this ship with dreams; mines to be an international clothing designer & producer and her’s to be a world changing, civil rights defending attorney. To obtain these dreams it means there are going to be many late nights and missed events. There are also going to be some tightening of the wallets and making things manage with less while living in a one income household or extra funds are being put into a business. And let’s not even talk about about prep talks when the other is feeling frustrated and defeated. Flourishing the other with support is what helps this dream chasing obtainable.
- Flourish with adventures: Look, couples that explore together, make amazing memories and broadens their horizons together! So get that passport and book some flights and see the world! The experience will bring you both closer together and also see how well you work under different conditions.. You meet a whole other person with “Traveling Bae.” Sometimes uninhibited and free and sometimes cranky and extra… So far, bae and I have gone to Hawaii and Las Vegas together. Law school has put a damper on our traveling episodes but we are headed to Miami next month and plan to hit up New Orleans and a cruise by the end of the year….. traveling ban or naw, not even 45 can hold us from seeing the world!
I could go on and on about how to get your relationship on “Flourishing AF” status but to be honest it would be too long and I am still learning… Now though we are 4 years in this thang called love, that’s just the beginning of a lifetime. I plan on marrying this woman and that will bring on new lessons and more challenges and let’s not add in the factor of going whole on a kid( do the math later… don’t confuse yourself)…
Whether you kissed a girl and you liked it or prefer kissing on a fellow… love is love and we all face the same difficulties regardless of gender, race, or sexuality……just trying to find someone who loves you as much as Kanye loves Kanye……
Until the next time, live F.A.B with no regrets!